Wow, a YEAR?

Yikes! My last post on here ( well not on HERE here ) was almost a year ago. I decided to switch the blog to a different email and change the name since every other name seemed to be taken. A lot has changed since my last post. I was fired from a job i wasn't happy in and i wish i had been blogging when it happened because it was a TOUGH two months (anxious and ocd people do NOT handle change well) . Thank God for my best friend ( for lots of reasons actually) because i have no idea where i would be right now if she hadn't helped me out ( big ridiculous hugs to her!). But i look back now and am so happy i was fired. My new job is amazing. I am thankful every day for the wonderful little girl i am privileged to watch, and her amazing parents who may be two of the best people on the planet.

I live in my own apartment, am paying my own bills ( mostly successfully ), and have a life that i could not have imagined a year ago. I'm content with things at the moment. But that does NOT mean my issues are resolved.

In some ways, living on my own has increased the OCD and anxiety. My nightly routine is checking the door lock ( sometimes going back to check it after i've been in bed a few minutes), looking in my hall closet, checking behind the shower curtain, pushing the jeans in the bottom of my closet back ( to make sure no one is hiding in there ), and checking under the bed. By the way, "fun" fact, the closet thing is because i watched a story on the BTK killer where he said he hid in closets to avoid being seen.

My nightly prayer ritual, which i may have mentioned, used to include saying the prayer out loud, covering my eyes and saying it in my head, and then turning to face the left. I can't go to sleep facing the right. I can turn that way after a few minutes but not at first. Now however, when i do the one in my head i have to make myself yawn once at the start and then again at the end while saying "amen" until i'm done yawning. That is probably one of my strangest OCD things.

There are a LOT of things going on that i hope to blog about soon including insurance issues, some more ocd stuff, social anxiety stuff, and some good things because it's hard to only speak of the bad. And hopefully in a little while i'll discuss something hypocondriacal that's going on right now. Also, please excuse any posts that discuss things i've discussed before. Sometimes things need to be resaid. Sometimes i look back and see things in a different light. And sometimes i just plain forget. Deal with it my friends. Love you all!


Oh and just because, here's my new Sphynx cat Schmutz. Enjoy!