So i realize i haven't had any posts in oh, two years, which is insane. A lot had happened since then but to sum everything up when I'm not all that certain anyone will ever read this is a bit of a waste of time. Mine mostly. But basically i am hoping to get at least two posts a week on here chronicling my battles with anxiety disorders and, for the first time that i am admitting, my OCD.
For some reason, i think there is a strange stigma attached to the words "OCD" or obsessive compulsive disorder. Even more so than anxiety disorders. It seems people look at social anxiety and say "she's just really shy". Or General anxiety disorder and hypochondria and not understand that at all. But OCD? Everyone thinks they understand that. I mean, the world is full of people who have studied psychiatric disorders for years. Or watched Obsessed on tv for a season and a half. Same thing but with commercials.
I imagine if you asked someone what OCD was, they would describe someone who has to touch things all the time, or wash their hands 100 times an hour. And while those ARE actual problems associated with OCD, that is NOT all it is. I'm not even going to begin to get into what types of OCD there are but i will tell you mine is nothing like that. I can shove my hands in cow dung if i really wanted to and i have never tapped things. I do however have compulsive thoughts.
For instance, instead of having to kick a lamppost every time i see one, i HAVE to think these anxious thoughts. I actually get more anxious when the anxiety isn't present. I think it's my brain's defensive mechanism. It doesn't know how to function without the ever present anxiety and the OCD keeps it from having to. Granted i do have a few actual compulsions. I knock on wood if i say something i think may happen. I HAVE to pray a certain way at night or i feel the things i don't say will happen. I also crack my jaw repeatedly for a reason i can't even say.
Well that was long winded but hopefully it cleared some things up and eased me into my blog before i start hitting on heavy stuff. Like bricks. Or Bullies. We shall see what the rest of the week brings.
Thanks for posting this, Blake! I have OCD too and it's irritating how stereotyped it has become in most poeples' minds. I like organization and cleanliness, too, but hell that could be just because I'm a Virgo LOL. I'm not over the top about things like that. But
ReplyDeleteI'll freely admit I am a tapper. I don't *have* to do it, and I can make myself stop when I realize I am, but I frequently don't even notice. I almost always have some song or another running through my head and I tend to "drum along." When I'm really stressed, I whistle. And that can be difficult to stop doing sometimes, in fact that's what got me diagnosed. I also tend to check and re-check things like is the door locked and is my alarm really set. But you know what, it's not a big deal. Granted my case is mild but it doesn't interfere much with my life. I call it OCD because it helps other people to understand me, but to me really it's just another part of my personality.
I think it is brave of you to put yourself out there like this. Just from hanging out with you I would not have ( did not) know that you are dealing with all this. I hope life is better for you now than it was in 2008. It is, right? I hope so.
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